the walking dead “pretty much dead already”

We open to a picturesque morning on Zombiebrook Farms and find our band of survivors eating breakfast around their campfire. Carol, as usual, seems to be doing all the work, as she is cooking and dishing up plates for the others. Give this poor woman a break people! And Andrea, perhaps in an attempt to show that she is a BAMF, does not appear to be eating breakfast, and instead she is sharpening a knife on a cheese grater. Or something that looks like a cheese grater. (Side note: Is she a natural blonde? Because her roots don’t seem to need touching up. And I think that they would by now) Shane is being glare-y in the corner, while Lori and Rick get all sensitive and loving for a few seconds. Glenn, still unsure about whether to tell the others about the barn o’ zombies, takes a break from staring blankly in one direction and glances toward the house. Maggie is standing on the porch, basically wagging her finger at him (Really just shakes her head. Also, for how long has she just been standing there watching them? She looks cold). Shaken by being told off by his squeeze, he then turns to see Dale giving him the exact opposite signal from a few yards away. So what’s an incapable-of-keeping-a-secret-but-love-struck boy to do? Well…he’s gonna tell everybody, which is probably a good move since they are sleeping in tents with children and pregnant ladies (well, one of each) while a gaggle (or perhaps a murder) of bloodthirsty zombies is staggering around relatively close by.

So…no one is too psyched about having a bunch of walkers as neighbors, although I cannot go by their words initially, since no one says anything when Glenn breaks the news. Everyone. Just. Glares. And leans. A few moments later, however, the group has moved from glaring and leaning to standing outside the barn. Shane looks in, and since everyone inside is still a yucky walker, he gets mad. At Rick. For being alive. Or…? Anyway, an argument starts, and while Shane and Rick start off on the same page (Walkers in barn = bad), soon Shane starts talking about leaving and going to his military base in the sky / Western border of Georgia. But since Sophia is still playing the longest game of hide-and-seek ever, they can’t leave yet. Not until they finish counting to one billion and go looking for her. No one wants to hear Shane talk about giving up; they’re gonna find her, even if she’s in the best hiding place in all the massive Georgian zombie forest! In fact, Daryl loves hide-and-seek so much that he and Shane almost get into a fight over whether or not to keep playing. Then, because Shane didn’t get to hit anyone yet, he gets all mad at Dale for not saying anything about the barn before. Amidst the bickerfest, Rick decides that he is going to talk to Hershel about the best hiding places. Or about the zombie barn. I forget…

Glenn stalks Maggie by the chicken coop, and tries to apologize in order to win back her affection, but all he gets is a rotten-egg shampoo. Girrrl, that’s cold.

Back over at camp, Carl is…doing homework. What the what?! If my mom tried to make me do homework with fucking zombies walking around, I would be PISSED. Also, where did that textbook come from? None of them have any extra clothes or good books, but they do have a textbook? Poor Zombie Apocalypse planning, guys. Carl gets all idealistic like his father and starts talking about how much Sophia is going to love it there and how they have to stay. No Carl, you have to stay because your mom got knocked up, and she needs a stationary set to film a “I Don’t Know Who Fathered This Zombie Bait” special (While the actual DNA testing could be challenging, if that baby’s pecs are out of control and busting through its onesie, then it must be Shane’s).

Over in the non-zombie-filled barn (aka the stable), Carol tells Daryl that, while she admires his hide-and-seek abilities, she thinks that maybe he has been playing a little too much. Daryl clearly can’t handle anything resembling a compliment and calls Carol a “stupid bitch!” Seriously, can the lady catch a break?

Dale and Andrea share a weird scene in the RV, but what else do we really expect from those two? Dale says doesn’t want Andrea hanging out with Shane (Or boning him, although that is more implied). Andrea refuses to look Dale in the eye, like a teenager whose father is giving her the sex talk. And then Dale refuses to look Andrea in the eye. Ugh, those two. So. Much. Melodrama.

Inside the house, Hershel is eatin’ peaches and readin’ that good ol’ New Testament, Luke 8 to be exact. Now I don’t know Luke from Matthew, Mark, or John, but I do know how to look up a gospel summary on the interwebs. It is, in part, about how Jesus healed a sick/dead girl. Oh, the intrigue! Anyway, Rick comes inside to talk to Hershel, who claims to be “studying.” Why all the studying?! I doubt that the prayer group is still meeting on every third Tuesday. Rick wants to talk about the barn. Hershel’s all, “uh uh!” and tells Rick that he wants them gone by the end of the week. Rick questions Hershel’s understanding of zombie apocalypses, and then throws out his Hail Mary / “my wife is pregnant” play, but Hershel seems to be unimpressed. Oh, and Maggie heard the whole thing.

Rick finds Shane outside near the zombarn, and they get into an argument. Again. Rick blurts out that Lori is pregnant, which seems to be his modus operandi at the moment. At first, Shane’s response is, “We need our guns.” Which is a weird response. Then, he congratulates Rick as Rick is walking away, although Shane has to be wondering about whether or not that baby’s pecs will be amazing.

Back in the house, Maggie argues with her father concerning whether the group can stay or not. She starts talking about her past of smoking and shoplifting and angst, and then reveals that Glenn saved her life from a “sick” person, which is when cute little Jimmy bursts in with the incredibly useless exclamation that, “It happened again!” Jimmy, throw me a bone here! Whatever this recurrent happening is, Hershel needs some assistance. From a man. Ladies need not apply, Andrea. So Hershel rounds up Rick (not Andrea!), and Hershel and Rick [and Jimmy] head off into the sunset / down the road.

And this is where shit starts getting real. Shane approaches Lori and tells her that he when he saw that Rick was alive, he wished Rick were dead. Lori’s all “WTF?!” (with her eyes), and then Shane explains that he knew Rick would be / will be dead soon enough. Because Rick “ain’t built for this world.” Lori disagrees, because, well, she kind of has to. Shane reveals that he knows Lori’s pregnant, and that they both know it’s his baby. Lori basically says that she doesn’t give a fuck if it’s Shane’s baby. She’s not sharing custody, even if they do live in the same RV!

As Shane is storming away from his maybe baby mama, mini Rick (aka Carl) stops Shane to swear and be self-righteous and idealistic all over Shane’s ass. And to say that they should stay. Shane’s response to Carl, making it seem like he is going along with Carl just because Carl says so, is patronizing and annoying, especially since Shane has already made up his mind about what actions he is going to take. Why you gotta be like that, girrrl? Lori makes Carl get away from Shane, and Shane storms (that’s really all he ever does) back to the RV in hot pursuit of the guns. But where did they go? Shane gets all huffy and puffy when he realizes that Dale took them and huffs and puffs away in some direction.

Back to the Man Club, who are now in the woods with a couple of those Animal Control poles. For catching…zombified neighbors, of course! Hershel brought Rick along to make sure that Rick [and his followers] can follow these Zombie Control rules. Rick’s not super excited.

In some other part of the zombie woods, Daryl and Carol are looking for Sophia, despite the fact that Carol is a “stupid bitch!” They find more Cherokee Roses, so now they KNOW that Sophia is cool as a cucumber, just chillin’ in the woods. Oh, and Daryl apologizes. Carol shrugs it off. Because she’s used to being treated like shit.

Zombie Control appears to be a difficult task for the Man Club. Because the zombies won’t stop acting like zombies. Apparently Otis used to do this task by himself (how in the hell?), but now it’s up to the Man Club!

Back at the RV, lovesick puppy Glenn is still all torn to pieces because Maggie won’t talk to him when she goes by with a basket full of produce (although if she is really trying to avoid him, she probably shouldn’t walk right next to the RV he is sitting on top of). Glenn nerds out about Portal for a second (no really), and then tells Maggie that secrets, secrets are no fun because SECRETS WILL EAT YOU ALIVE. And…then they make out.

Over to yet ANOTHER part of the Georgia zombie woods, where we find…Dale…hiding all the guns. Bro, bro, bro. Don’t hide the guns, bro! You’re the wise one! The sage! Ugh, these people. We see that Shane finds him in no time. So Shane can find Dale in mere minutes without any idea of what direction he has gone in, but they can’t find a fucking kid for like a week? Dale has the same thought (See, he IS the smart one!). They argue about who’s gonna take the guns. Dale acts all tough, telling Shane he knows what really happened to Otis. Shane tells Dale that Dale is “pretty much dead already” (Dale shouldn’t feel bad, though, since Rick’s apparently in the same dead boat), and Shane just wants his guns back now. Dale has another idea and says that he is just going to have to shoot Shane (what?), but really…he can’t do it. Dale ain’t no killer, fool! That scene was annoying. And Shane’s posture is horrible. His head is all droopy like a monkey.

The folks who aren’t zombie wranglin’ or hiding weapons in the woods are playing Yahtzee and lounging on Hershel’s porch. And then Shane suddenly emerges with all the guns, gives one to Daryl, and growls, “Time to grow uhhp!” Shane continues to try to give everyone, including mini Rick, a gun. Lori gets all mad, but before they can go running off to liberate (shoot) the zombies from the barn, the Man Club triumphantly returns. Everyone runs over to the barn like “WTF?!”, and the fun (massacre) begins. Shane just starts to lose his shit (or continues to lose his shit) and opens the barn door, which is clearly the best idea, with Carl and Lori and other unarmed people just standing right there. But Shane Doesn’t. Give. A. Fuck. So the zombies start coming out, only to get their zombrains blown out. Now a lot of people watch the show for scenes like this, but, in all seriousness, this scene was really hard to watch, mostly because of Scott Wilson’s (Hershel) superb acting. He looked so heartbroken and lost.

So the zombies stop coming out of the barn, Dale comes back (slow much?) and everyone’s all “whatevs” (except Hershel), BUT THEN…

Oh. Snap. THAT’s why they couldn’t find her. Did not see that coming. Sophia slowly emerges from the barn looking only a little gruesome (neck wound and freaky eyes), and everyone is all “Fuuuuck…” They all just stare as Sophia hobbles and wheezes toward them. Hershel’s like, “Yeah, bitches what’s it feel like?!” Except not. Because it still makes him sad. It makes me sad too, especially seeing Carl crying. With everyone around him frozen and/or bawling, Rick walks up to Sophia and shoots her in the head. Because he knows how unwieldy those zombie poles are, and he doesn’t want her wheezing to keep him up at night. Oh, and because she wants to eat his face. No one’s too thrilled. And now they have to stand there by all those totally dead zombie people for the next two and a half months. Bummer, dudes.

The take-away from this episode is that there is now an explicit division between Shane (“made for this world”) and Rick and Dale (“ain’t built for this world”/ “pretty much dead already”). Whose side will everyone else take? And where does Hershel fit in, with his optimism (possibly former optimism) concerning the zombies’ situation? It seems obvious that Hershel is far more on the side of Rick and Dale, although perhaps even less built for this world, and even more dead already. His reading of Luke, Chapter 8 suggests that he believed that he could heal the zombies, not through medicine, but through faith (Luke 8:50 “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.”). Poor Hershel. They should leave him alone now.


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